What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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