So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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