My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
