we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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