Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
