Barsexuality is the new black.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
