period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
