Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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