turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
