whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
