I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
