She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
