my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
True strength comes from lack of pants
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
