i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
please don't ironically join a cult
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