if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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