oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
