My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
