I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
