Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
