she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
