omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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