seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
