fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize