Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
