Plan B is the new Plan A
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
