She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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