I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
