Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
