i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
