i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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