You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
