my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
