I am puke
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
