I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
