Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
