Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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