Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
