Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
