So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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