Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
