Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize