He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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