I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
