My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
