I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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