After last night, I could never be a politician.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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