Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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