i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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