You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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