umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
