look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
