what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
