You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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