I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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