I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
