and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
