I just cut my nipple shaving
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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