She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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