my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
