I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
