This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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