I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize