The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Enjoy the penises
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
