i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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