a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My breasts were aching with rage.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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