I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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