those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
