If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
