nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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