I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
