Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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