got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
