I'm so fucking centered right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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