The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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