i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
